An HIV Positive Man

AIDS

I’m moving like a blinking eye lid
Bewildered at guzzle power

I’m dancing in my ballet shoes
Pirouette kidnaps me.

I’m too drunk to know whether I’m walking or flying
I’ve lost consciousness of my feet.

Drawn like a carriage are my limbs
I’m engulfed by a woman that stands naked

In front of me and summons my pupils.
I pounce like a grass hopper

Sting like a bee until she is a butterfly
Maddened with my ephemeral touch.

She is agape like a nepenthes.
As I slowly let her trap me inside

Her pitcher and crumble me
Out of drenched desire.

I’m so wet, I feel like a Nimbus cloud
About to break open in a monsoonal shower

I dance, she sings, we make merry,
I’m about to be abridged like a runaway kite.

I elope to the wind like a madman
Bored of his insanity. Icarus is all of me.

The face of the sun was beautiful
And the Aegean was an anti-climax.

I drown to a trench, like an anchor.
I hastily look at her, the stranger with no name.

My body is my only alibi in the absence
Of heart works. Sin was all over me

Like a bout of leprosy. Still I did not feel
Any guilt. Perhaps the Scotch whiskey

Made me fickle. I was a man for a few minutes
The most and still it was like morphine

To my body. I walked away still drunk
My body drooping like melted skin.

The past and the future sandwiching me
In a moment I would regret. Guilt

Would follow the next morning when
I was all sober. It was all a blank page

With an abstract painting. Now I gaze
At that painting everyday trying to

Make some sense out of it. I’m just a drip painting
Dripping life through an hourglass,

Soldiering on in anti-retrovirals.
A deciduous tree in a thicket

Of evergreens. Every leaf is precious
As every weak smile. Abscission is slow

And still it takes a little out of you
To see a leaf fall.

The clock ticks and I look out of the window.
Winter is coming soon.

When I will be as colorless
As a ghostly snowman

With no carrot stick.

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Published by

meandererworld (Dilantha Gunawardana)

Dr Dilantha Gunawardana is a molecular biologist, who graduated from the University of Melbourne. He moonlights as a poet. Dilantha wrote his first poem at the ripe age of 32 and now has more than 1700 poems on his blog. His poems have been accepted/published in Forage, Kitaab, Eastlit, American Journal of Poetry and Ravens Perch, among others. He was also awarded the prize for "The emerging writer of the year - 2016" in the Godage National Literary Awards, Sri Lanka for his first collection of poems (Kite Dreams – A Sarasavi Publication), while being shortlisted for the poetry prize. Dilantha is a dual citizen of Sri Lanka and Australia, and shares his experiences from two different cultures. He blogs at - https://meandererworld. wordpress.com/

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