The Man in Me (Slightly Adultish)

duvall_robert_usarmy_2
Actor Robert Duvall happened to cross paths with Army Maj. Gen. Rick Lynch at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington on Sept. 25, 2007. Duvall was on his way into the facility to visit with wounded servicemembers. The commander of both 3rd Infantry Division and Multinational Division Center in Iraq was just on his way out after visiting about 50 of his wounded soldiers and their families before returning to Iraq. Defense Dept. photo by Samantha L. Quigley

I don’t need the moustache of Eddie Murphy
To cough out my own humor line
Or the bald head of John Malkovich
To be bald and beautiful

My humor is vulgar, seemingly a woman’s body
Spews out Brazilian waxes
And clutches on to Amazonians hymens – seeming what is taken off
And staying in, both have serious comedy in them
Like a strip-tease of a buxom brunette
Making tornadoes in feet and pinwheels on nipples
Or like manatees with hymens being mistaken
For bewitching mermaids of the sea

And Mr Malkovich tells us why neat
And unfertilized with Rogaine
Is as beautiful as the Latin crooner with long hair
And I’m nearly there, the comb is like a broom
That sweeps falling follicles and some dandruff
And when I look in the mirror
I don’t see Mr Malkovich, just a Robert Duvall
With a sales pitch that can sell even a birth-control pill
To an 80 year-old woman

I will be always be my own man
– Worried of being gay at those moment of constipation
Or having nerves on my honeymoon bed –
Yet I will always be my own humor artist
And a balding man, and that is my unequivocal manhood
After all, I can wear a hat or a condom
And feel like me, my complete self…

Like Kevin Costner being the quintessential cowboy
And my wife smiling like a happy cowgirl

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Author: meandererworld (Dilantha Gunawardana)

Dr Dilantha Gunawardana is a molecular biologist who graduated from the University of Melbourne. He moonlights as a poet. His poems have been accepted/published in Forage, American Journal of Poetry, Kitaab, Eastlit and Ravens Perch. He mixes science with poetry for a living, when what matters is the expression of both DNA and words into something serendipitous. Although an Australian citizen, Dilantha is domiciled in Sri Lanka, his country of birth.

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