Winston (Dilantha) Smith – A Glimpse of his Story

Now I have been under watch and surveillance for 10 years (physical for 10+ whole years and mental or mind surveillance for nearly 7-8 years). 10 years of life a prisoner, when every time I sit on my commode, or take a shower or make love to my wife, I only feel the eyes watching me and judging me. My whole world is a porn movie on the world stage. I don’t expect anyone to empathize but at least you will hear my story.

Man crying

Were you there to hold me
When I cried, sometimes like a pauper
Searching for the invisible camera
Or the sleepless satellite
With no pillow or harbor to tranquilize me
Or hold me in the direst hour

Did you count the number of rupee coins?
What my employers parted with, in despise and sympathy
Who laughed with the kookaburras
And jumped with the kangaroos
Did you believe for a fleeting second
That my cries were not of Peter?
As you disbelieved me for what seems like a lifetime
Maybe Peter was you, you’ll……

Did you hear my mental whispers
Were you the walls that eavesdropped
On my nightly vigils?
Did you have my sanity uprooted
By mental healers and armchair doctors
Didn’t you feed me cyanide
Disguised as my friend?

Did you raise my penis from her medicated slumber ?
Or lend me a hand  when I was a daysleeper? – still sleeping beauty though !
Did you see my dissolving disease
The leper to a million pupils
Catholic girls who eye-spit on me
As I walked past their broken hymens

Did your consciences witness
The concentration camp
I stood in body and thought
Where privacy was only found
In a piece of land called the soul
Did you look my way or the other
Did you say a prayer to the dying
And wage money on my sexuality

Yet in spite of torn pages
And lost years of my life story (>10 years now)
I stand hear with a second chance
Holding a rewired dream
To be a fragment of the man I was, and will be
Where Narcissus and Jesus
Still coexists in the dire depths
Of a still-private soul


Published by

meandererworld (Dilantha Gunawardana)

Dr Dilantha Gunawardana is a molecular biologist, who graduated from the University of Melbourne. He moonlights as a poet. Dilantha wrote his first poem at the ripe age of 32 and now has more than 1700 poems on his blog. His poems have been accepted/published in Forage, Kitaab, Eastlit, American Journal of Poetry and Ravens Perch, among others. He was also awarded the prize for "The emerging writer of the year - 2016" in the Godage National Literary Awards, Sri Lanka for his first collection of poems (Kite Dreams – A Sarasavi Publication), while being shortlisted for the poetry prize. Dilantha is a dual citizen of Sri Lanka and Australia, and shares his experiences from two different cultures. He blogs at - https://meandererworld.

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