Recently, someone I know made a small hint at me, with a smirk in his face, that heterosexual couples have procreation rights which gay couples don’t have. What he said in his own words was “Opposite sex – productive; same-sex – unproductive”. I have one gay friend, who I have known for years both in Sri Lanka and Australia, and when I remember the last conversation we had – when he was in Sri Lanka visiting his relatives in his desire to bring his dead mother’s ashes to the country that she was born in – I remember telling him that if he was getting married, I would be happy to visit him in Australia for the ceremony. I mean, for me the friendship was more important than the notion of ‘gay marriage’ at that time and I made known to him that I would put aside my views as a catholic and visit him if he was ready to tie the knot with his then lover, who was 10 years older than him.
We were always good friends, and he was a virgin till his late 20s and I was till 38 – one gay man and one straight man. He was with me when I had to go and see doctors for my anxiety and he stood by me when I was going through a thin in my life. One event I remember very clearly, was, when he invited me to go to a “Gay Nightclub”, which I said “NO”, since that was simply not a place I wanted to be in, but we have gone to see plenty of movies together, from “monsoon wedding” to “shipping mews”.
So what I felt that day was that the statement made by the associate was discriminatory towards gay people as well as for heterosexual couples who do not want to have kids. It amazes me that many people still associate sex with procreation. It is a tragic notion that there are people who are living in 1500s still. After all, sex is a vehicle of expression, of intimacy, a journey of evolution and devolution, of spikes and resting periods, of finding out and yet still searching on, a deed that brings two people closer and establishes mutual trust and belonging and makes a crossroad in time for a durable intercourse of non-physical love. It is absolutely not procreation. Procreation is two people using sex to bring forth a tender fledgling life in to the world. That too is a right and so is sex without tethers of procreation for the simple act of enjoyment and giving.
I am astonished at how many people are angered by my wait of 38 years to lose my virginity, branding me with so many tags along the way. I waited for love, and for the catholic belief in me, which too is a right in this contemporary world. I did not wait 38 years to make a honeymoon baby. That is between my wife and me. Maybe we will conceive a child, maybe we won’t, but what is paramount is that we enjoy the intimacy that sex brings to each other, and we participate only with consent to the altitudes making love delivers, to two vehicles of lust – yet carriers of biological nuke.
Sex is productive, not in delivering babies, but in fostering trust and love, in the form of giving and receiving, in the polarity or non-polarity of two beings, unified by one feeling – some call it love and others have their own stories to tell, which when you listen closely to, feels, a lot like love.